Trust Earned, Trust Broken

There isn’t an easy to answer to the question:
What do you do when trust is broken in a partnership.

As Wagner and Muller (2009) state in their book, the positive and gushy feelings we have toward our partner almost completely reverse themselves at a major trust breach. The behaviors you might see in someone who has been violated would be situtational of course, but probably some form of withholding praise, neglecting situations, a breakdown of communication, and other resistance behaviors that could easily tear that partnership apart would be present.

In a business, the tension of a broken relationship can have dramatic consequences. Consider a merge of companies or an acquisition, and the divided cultures already in place. Othen the bought out company (acquisition) is going to their management fired, and the dominant culture will take place, unleashing lots of negativity. In other situations, companies can be divided up into camps of people. It makes the company inefficient, and it’s a drag to be there.

This simple experiment in psychology has shown the implications of trust and fairness. Let’s say you are paired with a stranger in a room, and you are both given $100. You are told that in this scenario, if you and your partner exchange the $100 bills, then you both get $150. A positive outcome for both. However, if one partner gives his share, and the other partner does not, the unfair partner gets $200 dollars. They can also choose to keep their original $100. In this situation, how would you choose? How much do you trust a stranger? How do you know you won’t be robbed?

This is a very simplified understanding of game theory, but as pointed out by (Wagner and Muller, 2009), this is the same mindset used in the cold war. One side could nuke the other, and essentially win if they struck quick enough, and many brilliant people thought that was correct. Luckily, whew, our world avoided that devastation.

Now here's what happens 18% of the time with a stranger. Both exchange money in a fair trade and get $150 each. These respondents say they felt the other person ‘looked like a good person’, or ‘seemed genuine’. Maybe these instincts are correct, though they require much self-discipline and trust in another.

There is no easy way out of the pit…
If you have violated trust, consider making amends quickly as possible. The world does turn, and so does bitterness. Make amends, and show some behavioral change. Show that person you are genuine. If you have reasonably tried for amends, and the partnership falls apart, allow it, and move on.

A final thought:
Living life authentically means you will have misunderstandings and possibly severe breaches of trust. As difficult as these things are, you are so much more powerful of a person if you decide to take the higher road. Forgiveness, kindness, understanding others from their short comings is not easy for anyone, but it is a mark of an enlightened person.