Trust Earned, Trust Broken

There isn’t an easy to answer to the question:
What do you do when trust is broken in a partnership.

As Wagner and Muller (2009) state in their book, the positive and gushy feelings we have toward our partner almost completely reverse themselves at a major trust breach. The behaviors you might see in someone who has been violated would be situtational of course, but probably some form of withholding praise, neglecting situations, a breakdown of communication, and other resistance behaviors that could easily tear that partnership apart would be present.

In a business, the tension of a broken relationship can have dramatic consequences. Consider a merge of companies or an acquisition, and the divided cultures already in place. Othen the bought out company (acquisition) is going to their management fired, and the dominant culture will take place, unleashing lots of negativity. In other situations, companies can be divided up into camps of people. It makes the company inefficient, and it’s a drag to be there.

This simple experiment in psychology has shown the implications of trust and fairness. Let’s say you are paired with a stranger in a room, and you are both given $100. You are told that in this scenario, if you and your partner exchange the $100 bills, then you both get $150. A positive outcome for both. However, if one partner gives his share, and the other partner does not, the unfair partner gets $200 dollars. They can also choose to keep their original $100. In this situation, how would you choose? How much do you trust a stranger? How do you know you won’t be robbed?

This is a very simplified understanding of game theory, but as pointed out by (Wagner and Muller, 2009), this is the same mindset used in the cold war. One side could nuke the other, and essentially win if they struck quick enough, and many brilliant people thought that was correct. Luckily, whew, our world avoided that devastation.

Now here's what happens 18% of the time with a stranger. Both exchange money in a fair trade and get $150 each. These respondents say they felt the other person ‘looked like a good person’, or ‘seemed genuine’. Maybe these instincts are correct, though they require much self-discipline and trust in another.

There is no easy way out of the pit…
If you have violated trust, consider making amends quickly as possible. The world does turn, and so does bitterness. Make amends, and show some behavioral change. Show that person you are genuine. If you have reasonably tried for amends, and the partnership falls apart, allow it, and move on.

A final thought:
Living life authentically means you will have misunderstandings and possibly severe breaches of trust. As difficult as these things are, you are so much more powerful of a person if you decide to take the higher road. Forgiveness, kindness, understanding others from their short comings is not easy for anyone, but it is a mark of an enlightened person.

Partnerships

I heard a speaker say recently - ‘When we’re young we have big dreams and no resources to accomplish them; when we’re adults we have pitiful dreams and all the power in the world to accomplish them’. Often time we can accomplish our dreams with the aid of a partner. Sometimes it’s a mutual goal, sometimes not. Sometimes the two parties are equal in status, sometimes not. The next two weeks I’m going to write about professional partnerships.

Often we think about partnerships a boyfriend/girlfriend or romantic partner. Those relationships are important, but for sake of this blog, consider these partnerships: mentor/mentee, teacher/student, sales lead/salesperson, manager/artist and head coach/ junior coach. Many experiences are available for two people to work toward a goal and create an amazing experience.

In my own college/graduate experience, I’ve had an amazing opportunity to work on research with distinguished professors. While an undergrad at Northern Illinois University (NIU), I worked a semester doing cognitive psychology research. My influence was minimal at first. But, just sitting on weekly meetings and discussing an reading tool/game for kids was an amazing experience. At NIU I also had the experience of coding data for an I/O psychology professor, which lead me in a whole new direction in psychology.

In graduate studies, I also developed research, this time working more independently, and eventually designing my own thesis on the study of ‘efficacy and workplace commitment’. Here I had the opportunity to have unique experiences with a host of different professors with individual research focuses in the field of I/O psychology. In graduate school, the level of discussion and engagement is much deeper, and much more fulfilling . All of this started as a small idea with me just wanting to get involved in psychology research.

The funny thing is, I know so many people who say. Well, I’m just an undergraduate. Or, the thinks 'the things i'm interested in are “too out there”, “too boring”, “too non-academic”, fill in the blank!'

Not even a step is taken before people start retreating at the idea. So don’t let being inexperienced stop you from forming partnerships – none of us would ever grow we just stopped there. You don’t have to go it alone. There are all types of organizations to be a part of, things to do, connections to be made, and yes, partnerships to be created.

In these next two weeks, I’ll share antidotes pertaining from the bestseller “Power of 2: Elements of Great Managing” by Rodd Wagner and Gale Muller.